What is Emotional Loading?

Emotional Loading is a pattern that many individuals engage in when relating with others. It involves NOT confronting and problem-solving issues in relationships as they occur. The result is a stock-piling of resentments towards others, especially your significant others.

For many, the pattern ends in rage, or a series of "explosions," as the stress of holding onto all that inner tension becomes too much. For some, this process can end in violence. The following graphic illustrates this process (keep in mind that there there will be individual differences):

Accompanying these "explosions" is a burst of neurochemicals that activates a full body reaction, further narrowing the raging individual's focus, exacerbating unclear thinking, poor judgment and declining impulse control. Immediately afterwards, the individual will be hypersensitive to further threats and/or attacks -- reacting more and more quickly and easily.

How many of you have started out talking about one issue; and, then as the conversation gets more charged and heated, one of you throws a barbed comment towards the other -- who then retaliates. Didn't the argument then probably shifted from the original issue to bringing up old grievances, name-calling, insults, and blaming each other for "starting it?"

Possibly one or both of you began making statements about the other's past behaviors -- knowing full well that they weren't really accurate, but staunchly holding onto them anyway! And how many times have you seen this relationship pattern end without any resolution of the original problem, instead you "kiss and makeup" without ever really dealing with that.

On one level, these behaviors are signs that you probably have not yet learned the skills needed to negotiate WIN-WIN solutions to your relationship problems.

On another level, however, these behaviors are signs that your stress level (remember the Fight/Flight Response) has risen and your thinking has become unclear. If you are experiencing these problems, you have continued your discussion BEYOND the point where you should have taken a time-out and planned to continue the discussion at another time.

In the next pages, you will read about how to recognize your early warning signs that indicate that you are getting to this point.

But first, a word about domestic violence...